Struggle-a Poem



I sit in the water trying to be still

Around me the world moves in a blur

I can’t breathe, I feel everything

Heart racing, blood pumping through my limbs

My mind is racing, I want it all to stop

I don’t want to think

I don’t want to feel

I don’t want to cry

Still, the pain in my gut rises to my throat and pushes its way out of my body in the form of tears

I can’t see

I know if I move it will be worse

The demons in my head shout at me to sit lower in the water, to let it wash over me

I am trying to build the courage to walk towards the shore

I know a wave is approaching  from behind, but I don’t care

I hold my breath and close my eyes, and focus on the pain

I try to dream but dreams don’t come

Nightmares of losing you, causes the feeling of more pain

The idea of never healing cut through me like knife through butter

I can’t put into words how it hurts

Through the darkness I hear your voice and it makes me open my eyes

Pulling myself together I tell myself I can do this one more day

I can fuse myself back together

Don’t give up on me

I’ll move from this spot

I won’t let the water take me

I’ll pick myself up off the ground

I won’t let the darkness take me away

I won’t be dormant anymore, today





Until Next time



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